Mom Pants

During a layover at JFK airport en route to Tel Aviv on a business trip, I headed into Brooklyn for a few hours and visited my favorite store in the city. I've known the owner for years and love her for her for her fantastic eclectic fashion sense and brutal honesty. When she saw me in my maternity jeans, she quickly pronounced that I looked like a suburban housewife and should not wear maternity jeans in public. No disrespect to my suburban housewife brethren, but I panicked. I immediately thought of Mom pants. You know, the high hip hugger pants that go over the woman's belly and stop shortly under her chest, eliminating the illusion that she might have a torso? These trousers usually involve pleats, a skinny belt and a Land's End-style shirt tucked into them. So the bottom line is that I can't get lazy with my fashion creativity because most conventional maternity clothes are completely unflattering and downright suck. Then I could end up on a downward spiral toward Mom pants. NOOOOOOO! I know my low-rise cargo pants may not be age appropriate or fashion forward forever, but Mom pants aren't even a slippery slope. Then I may as well be wearing a hand-knit cat sweater with three dimensional whiskers and duck boots. Then the red lipstick smeared way above the lip line won't be far off at that point. So I gratefully headed the advice that maternity jeans are a fashion don’t for me and left them in Brooklyn. No Mom pants. Ever.